Don't even know where to begin. I've been sitting here looking at a blank screen for minutes. I want to recap positive side of my experience during the Boston Marathon, but it's all overshadowed with visions of people frantically running through the streets crying, confusion & chaos.
I've had 24hrs for everything to sink in and it has really hit me hard. I'm having a real hard time making sense of it all. I keep thinking of the "what ifs". What if my family had camped out 30-40 ft closer to the finish line?
This picture fills me with fear to see how close they were (my daughter)
(I blacked out the scene out of respect)
Circled is the red chair she was sitting in.
What if I didn't stop around mile 23 and 24 to walk off a cramp in my thigh. Those 3-5mins would have put me right on Boylston St. at the time of the explosions. I was suppose to be in wave 3 corral 9, but I had snuck into corral 5 because I wanted to run with my friend Bill. What if I didn't? I would have been back stuck with all the other runners.Why was I where I was?
I can't even begin to explain how eerily quiet this scene was
What if?........ What if?...... What if?......
I want to shake it off.... but I can't. I want to unsee things I saw, but I can't. I want my kids to unsee all the horrible things they saw and felt, but I can't. I'm sad, angry, and pissed the F' off! But I'm helpless. I can't do anything.
I don't want to bring anyone down. I apologize.... but my blog is my release. This is my story, my Boston Marathon.
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On another note....
Today was my birthday and I got my cake,
....and my medal.
I'm happy to see another one and happy that my family is here with me. It could have been soo much worse.....
God, we pray for those that lost their lives and for those injured. Please help us heal.
9 comments:
well said, my friend.....it's all so hard to process...and when I think about the world our kids are inheriting.....
That said, I love the cake....you certainly earned it!
Now, please, for all of us, shave! :>)
I think that writing it all down is as good a therapy as you can get without paying for it. Just keep writing and processing. I'm happy to read whatever you need to write.
I think what you are feeling is perfectly ok right now. You are going to have those feelings for quite some time. You and your family have been through a very traumatic event. Even if you weren't physically impacted you were certainly mentally impacted. I can't imagine knowing your family was that close to the explosion. I am so happy that you are all safe.
Happy Birthday! I'm sure it's hard to celebrate right now. Time will heal though, and you will begin to remember many of the positives of this race experience.
FYI - our Bdays are 3 days apart.
You and your family's safety is the best birthday present.
Thinking of you...
I'm friends with Michael (above) and she told me to read your blog yesterday. When I see that photo of your daughter my stomach turns. We're all here to listen to your story. It's perfectly normal. How traumatic and sad.
On a happy note, I love the cake!! :) Happy Birthday!
I meant to ask, did you send these photos into investigators? From what I've heard on the news, they're looking for all the photos they can get their hands on!
You are here. You survived. It will never make sense. The thing to remember is that you and your family are resilient. You will all find a way to move forward in a stronger way after all of this. Just remember that you are all here and you all survived. At the end of the day that is what matters.
Thanks Jose for sharing your concerns. I am touched by the comments in your post as they are well felt. Thanks for everything man. Great Job too. Happy Birthday despite the going ons. May it be a good one, and Congratulations on the course. Cheers. Keep running strong, Keep being strong for you, family and everyone in between in this life.
Your feelings are normal ones...and the 'what if' scenario is one all runners have going through their heads right now. Our families. Our friends...they have all been there. It is difficult for me to process all these feelings, and I wasn't even there. I am so very thankful you and your family are ok.
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